Viruses you suffer from:
Linux
Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.
Cthulhu
Read some Enid Blyton.
Goth
Grow up. Let your roots grow out. Listen to Britney.
Religion
Read "God's Debris" by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)
Politics
Stop caring!
Environmentalism
Consume more stuff! It's easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.
Macintosh
Use a mouse with more than one button.
Viruses you might suffer from:
USA (70%)
Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]
Junkfood (65%)
Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.
Gaming (60%)
Life is not a game. Roll 3D6. On a 4 or more go out and do something with your life.
8-Bit (70%)
Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.
UNIX (80%)
Anything this old must be obselete. Go and install a nice modern operating system. I hear MSDOS has come a long way lately.
Brand Names (60%)
Having a well-known name doesn't make it good.
Conspiracy Theory (97%)
Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that's quite scary.
Hippyism (73%)
Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.
Southampton (69%)
Move to the Isle of Wight.
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